C6 Chapter 6

"Emma, are you tired?"

Sleeping in class, not even taking any notes when awake; it was impossible for Emma to hide how exhausted she was, less so when she tried to open her apartment door with the wrong key. In response to Carol’s question, who had been watching her with a worried expression, Emma Kantor shook her head and went to hang her coat on the rack.

Classes had just started again. Carol and Emma had to write a monograph together that was due the next day, which was why they had gone back to Kantor’s apartment when classes had finished for the day. When Carol walked in, she noticed it was unusually dark inside. Her friend opened the sitting room curtains and the sunlight revealed a layer of dust covering the ornaments, furniture and even the curtains themselves.

"What have you been up to at night that has been giving you nightmares?" asked Carol, adopting a falsely lighthearted tone as she cautiously entered the apartment.

Emma put her things on one of the armchairs and leaned against it, not moving for a few seconds. Then she got up slowly without raising her head.

"Sometimes it’s better not to know some things," Emma Kantor replied. She closed her eyes for a moment before crossing the room, a melancholy expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" asked Carol, making her friend stop by her side. She turned toward her. It pained her to see Emma in such a state.

Emma walked back over to the window, opening the curtains wider she contemplated the urban landscape. Light from the setting sun lit the room. Carol remained standing in the middle of the room.

"Carol, do you have any sisters?" asked Emma, with her hands crossed behind her back and looking over her shoulder toward Carol.

"Huh, me? Hmm, well, no. I’m an only child."

Emma turned to look back out onto the street. Carol put her bag and coat down on one of the armchairs.

"Why do you ask?"

"If you had a younger sister," asked Emma seriously, then after a pause she added, "how would you tell her you didn’t like your job without disappointing her?" She looked down. "That the world is not what she thinks it is . . ."

Carol considered what Emma was saying, trying to find the right way to respond.

"That’s a tough one."

"You’re right. I am sorry for asking," said Emma, walking toward her room.

"No." Carol took two quick steps toward her, stopping Emma in her tracks. "Don’t apologize, I was just thinking. It’s not that I can’t give you an answer, or that I don’t want to."

Emma met her gaze.

"If it were me, I would resign," Carol continued with a loving smile. "It wouldn’t make much sense to do something that I didn’t want to do, would it? If it didn’t make me happy, it would be better to stop doing it. For my sister to see that I had unburdened myself from a heavy load . . . well, I think that would be a clear enough message. Well, that’s my opinion anyway."

"And what if you couldn’t resign because you were keeping a very big secret?"

The question surprised Carol so much that she did not immediately respond but just kept her eyes locked on Emma’s, worried. Emma lowered her gaze and took a few steps back.

"Anyway, let’s get started on our homework," said Emma Kantor.

Carol felt terrible that she couldn’t answer her. She wanted to be able to help Emma, but her mind had gone blank. Emma was a little reserved when it came to talking about her personal life and she had not really explained what was worrying her. Carol suspected she was stressed because of some kind of job she had. All the same, she did not feel it was worth becoming stressed over a job and she thought it better not to ask her what was really going on. A few days later, Carol devised a plan with Jeff, who was happy to get involved. If words could not help, then perhaps something to distract her would cheer her up.