C14 Togetherness?

Markus listened to Nadja‘s story silently, he had only nodded or shaken his head in disbelieve a couple of times. He felt it important for her to be able to talk without being interrupted so she could unburden herself by doing so. The images of his own escape were still vivid. Images he would probably never forget. This unbelievable horror grabbed him anew every time he closed his eyes, hoping in vain for some relaxation.

Apparently, Nadja shared his view that there was no place for false heroism in this chaotic world. In order to survive you had to be a coward and run. You had to be able to run until your legs would give in from exhaustion. Marie was sitting on his lap, looking at the strange woman more than interested but still kept her distance.

While Nadja was telling her story she crammed tons of Markus’ sweets into her mouth, trying to satisfy her hunger. She really needed sugar, and if possible, lots of it. Time and time again she brushed her long dark hair out of her face.

The woman gave Markus the impression that she was a child of this fun generation, who simply danced away all their problems, ignoring the world’s real problems. Just no political involvement, let alone wanting to change anything. He had never understood those people.

Maybe, with his forty-seven years of age he was simply too old for that. On the other hand he had not really been an activist himself when he was young, he had partied himself, staying up until dawn, consequently he surely should not judge Nadja without questioning himself by doing so. Whatever, she was here now and Markus was glad to have found someone who was healthy. But he could not be too sure about it either and therefore decided to stay alert, keeping an eye on the woman.

While she was telling her story, there was enough time to take a closer look at her and he had to grin. Apparently, she had not seen any water the last few days, at least not in combination with soap and the activity of cleaning oneself. The face underneath all the dirt was certainly pretty, her eyes alone were remarkable and nicely curved.

Cleanliness was irrelevant at the moment and thinking about hygiene was not possible in this fight for survival for now. He already could not smell himself anymore and apparently Nadja felt the same way because she avoided close proximity and direct physical contact.

One did not know in which way one could get infected and therefore it was better to keep a distance. Markus had to think back to a picture from the family album showing one of his uncles. It was a picture from the eastern front, shortly after it had collapsed and the great flight had begun.

In it, three men with bearded faces, cloaked in ragged coats and cloths wrapped around their heads were standing in front of a hay cart. A frail horse was strapped in front of it. They were standing knee deep in the snow and had shouldered their carabines, which had been useless due to the cold. His uncle had told him many times about the painful frostbites on his toes and fingers, about how they had to melt snow in order to drink and that they only had half a zwieback per day to eat.

For weeks they had been on the way in their pants, which they had pissed in, and the dirt had caused a rash which let abscesses grow on their skin. Those who had no more strength to carry on were left behind because no one had been strong enough anymore to drag another man along.

In such situations the human being reduces towards himself rather fast, only concentrating on his own survival. It was a primal instinct that comes up in emergency situations, guaranteeing mankind’s survival. The weak are sorted out and the strong survive. The strong or, to be exact, rather those who had been able to run away the quickest.

Shortly after that picture had been taken, his uncle had been captured and held captive, from where he returned crippled not until some years later. For Markus those tales had always sounded like stories from another far away world, but today he felt for the first time what his uncle had tried to tell him.

But how real he would have to feel it for himself, he luckily had not known at that point. To bridge the silence Markus told in short sentences how Marie and he had managed to come this far. As was his habit, he constantly ran his hand over his head, feeling his short, hard stubbles, which were spreading over his face as well.

His listener was quite astonished when he told her about the strange transformation the things were going through and ice cold fear was slowly creeping up her spine to finally reach out for her neck with its cold fingers.

However, Markus kept one part about his experiences at Platkow to himself, especially the thing when had been sitting behind the container, watching the sick doctor giving orders and speaking to this Helmut because he felt those things to be too surreal in order to be told believably. His fear of being declared insane by Nadja was simply too great.

Maybe in the end it had been his imagination after all and it would not change anything about their current situation. It was simply irrelevant. He just had to hope what he thought he had seen would prove to be a fallacy.

His wandering thoughts made his skin itch and he was unconsciously scratching himself. By telling their stories Markus and Nadja were simply trying to stall for time before the question on how to proceed could be asked. A question both were hugely afraid off, but which was unavoidable nonetheless.

Awkwardly Markus rummaged a picture of Anette out of the pocket of his jacket, showing it to Nadja. “She’s waiting for me in Speyer.”

He looked at Nadja rather uncompromisingly. A change of plans was out of the question and he more than proved his point with the sound of his voice.

“Going south? Don‘t know because I actually wanted to go to Leipzig first,” Nadja said reluctantly. “How do you even know that she’s still alive, and if so, that she’s still there at all?”

Markus stood up and looked at her sternly. “I simply do, okay.” He held up his mobile phone with ostentation. “Now and then messages are coming through, that is why I’m so sure that she’s alive, waiting for me at home. But we don’t have any more time, we really have to leave.”

“So if you want to come with us, collect your things and get ready, okay?”

His last sentence had sounded rather aggressive. He was in no mood to discuss this any further with her. Everything was quite clear for him and he had to get going as fast as possible, because Anette’s life was at stake here.

His fear that it might be too late already was simply too great, every second lost could mean a change of the situation. Everything was always so easy in the movies. Most of the time some survivors found each other fast enough with enough weapons and ammunition to stage some clay pigeon shooting amongst the monsters.

Sure, it might have something to do with the fact that those movies normally played in the USA or at least in Great Britain, where it was easier to get your hands on guns. During the movie the group would cut down rather fast to a single pair, both white of course. It always was the same.

Once more he had those characteristic scenes in front of his eyes and the unspeakable name of those things out there urged to be called out loud. Anette had never liked it when he watched those movies. Nadja looked at him for a long time, pondering, and finally raised her hands in an appeasing manner.

“For you the road to Speyer is certainly the only right option, I get it. But as far as I am concerned, it’s not. You know, I’m from Poland and that’s where I want to return to someday. That’s how it is. Maybe my parents are still alive or the village I am from was not hit that badly.”

She almost did not believe what she was saying herself. But still, since the outbreak of the disease her home town had become a real option for her again. Markus shrugged his shoulders unimpressed.

“Nobody is forcing you to come with us. My target is Speyer and it remains that way. But think about it. Together we might have a better chance to make it through. And besides, you just wanted to go to Leipzig a second ago to see your friends and now Poland, what’s it going to be? Think about it. Nadja, Leipzig is on my way, I can take you there for sure, but Poland is out of the question.”

His voice sounded a little annoyed already, so Nadja gave in, out of fear to be left alone for real in the end, without a vehicle, without any food and without anything at all really.

“I don’t know either. I have no clue where it’s good and where it’s bad. I just think that maybe the seclusion of the countryside might be the better option. But my friends are in Leipzig and that was where I had been heading to anyways. We can do that.”

“I’m with you until then, if that’s okay with you. If it’s okay for the both of you,” she added with a glance at Marie. She looked at the little girl expectantly, who looked up at Markus first and then nodded joyously.

That was settled then. They needed until noon to pack everything up. Luckily it was a little warmer today, the sky was clear and bright blue. Markus stood beside the Defender for a few minutes, inhaling the cold, clear air.

Back in the day, this it could have a been a perfect winter day for a walk in the snow together with Anette on a nice hike through the forest, for throwing snow balls and, to top things off, for stopping in one of the many taverns for something tasty to eat and for having a wine spritzer served in a typical Palatine Dubbeglass.

But the current surroundings were not suitable for this kind of daydreaming. Secretly they were both still hoping that this would just be a temporary thing and that somewhere legions of scientists were currently working on a solution to this problem.

Maybe the first clean-up crews were in action already right behind that hill over there. They would pop up out of nowhere, simply giving each of them an injection and everything would be just fine again.

Nadja stood for a while, enjoying the sun on her face. She watched Markus searching the surrounding vehicles for something useful, but most importantly for weapons. What he found was more than meager. The vehicles were devastated or covered so badly in the sticky dirt from the infected that a safe examination was impossible and he preferred to go around them in a big circle.

Most of the seats had been torn apart in rage, windows were smashed in and there was blood everywhere. Victims were scattered on the ground sporadically, but there were by far too few to account for what had taken place here. The motionless bodies were lying like discarded dolls amongst the remains of the battle.

In the end his meager yield consisted of a handful of blankets, three packs of cigarettes and a powerful flashlight that was actually still working.

In contrast to the adults the whole area was like a huge adventure playground for Marie, although she constantly sought Markus’ proximity all the time, observing exactly what he was doing and where he was at any given moment. It was astonishing how fast children were able to adjust to situations, taking them for granted.

But Markus knew that a breakdown could happen just as fast, not only for Marie, but also for the adults. To avoid this moment as long as possible, he just kept moving, allowing himself only the most necessary breaks. Just don‘t think about it.

Finally, the jackpot lay in the last vehicle. A G36 with a full magazine. Bingo! The magazine held thirty rounds, if he remembered correctly. Markus knew similar weapons from his basic training, easy to handle and easy to transport because most parts were made of plastic. He waved toward Nadja triumphantly, holding the rifle high above his head like a trophy, when she looked at him. They were on their way on the A10 toward Halle only a little later. Markus gave himself three puffs from his inhaler to calm himself and to enjoy the feeling of freed bronchia as long as it was still possible. He felt Nadja’s questioning look.

“No worries, it’s just my damn asthma. I’ve got it, no problem.” The Polish woman smiled at him understandingly. “I know this from my father. He used to work the mines and got it from the pit. Not a pleasant thing. He used to wake up at nights a lot, consequently standing in the bathroom for hours, spitting up blood into the sink. It was extremely bad during winter time.”

“Sounds familiar. Especially the waking up, when you think that you cannot breathe anymore and then suddenly the fear of standing in the bathroom, dying, just like that. Well, at least I’m not coughing up blood, yet.”

In general he avoided speaking about the asthma and still it felt good doing so. Maybe he only did it just to talk about anything at all. To have something they both could relate to. For the first time in over a week Markus had the feeling that he might escape this horror more or less unharmed. The road was free and it went well. Surprisingly so even. Marie was lying under a thick blanket on the backseat, when Nadja looked at Markus.

“So seriously, why do you think all of this happened? Is it the wrath of God? Has he finally decided to clean his earth of us? Do you even think that something like a God does exist at all?”

Markus kept staring at the road in front of him.

“Not really, no, I rather think that it was a terror attack or something like that. Or a biological weapon. Maybe a biological warfare agent. Some kind of damn virus which had probably been slumbering in some lab already for many years and had been released. That’s what I think and nothing else.”

Markus was in no mood to engage in the subject of God. He had to suffer through too much negative stuff in the last few years in order to still hold on to his former strong faith in God and the church.

If there were something like a higher force after all, it was playing a horrible game with its believers. Once more he had to think about the doctor and the malicious ferocity with which he had carried out his actions. A huge cross had hung on the wall in his doctor’s office as well.

Nadja shook her head. “Nah, I don’t believe that. What would be their gain from killing so many innocent people, they wouldn’t be able to profit from this country if everything was infected.”

“Terrorists have never given a shit about something like that, about how many people die and what happens with the country afterwards. They’re probably all dead themselves by now,” Markus said and was reminded of Marie’s fate. The little one’s future was more than uncertain.

„Whatever, the reason is not important to me anyway. I’m just hoping that my parents and my friends had been able to get to safety in time. And that I’ll be with Anette soon,” he voiced his thoughts, hoping imploringly that it would be like that for real.

At least partially his words were just wishful thinking because his parents were at an age which made an escape or a direct battle with the infected impossible. It was here again crucial where they had been during the outbreak of the disease.

Nadja nodded because similar thoughts and hopes were running through her head as well. She was hoping that only big cities were inflicted by the disease, places where a lot of people were living together in a confined space, allowing the virus to spread easily. Maybe it was just an extremely bad flu epidemic with bad outcomes and nothing more.

They reached the motorway junction Fichtenwald a little later, turning onto the A9 heading south. The road had been cleared by heavy machinery and the parked vehicles had simply been pushed over the curbside. Damaged cars were therefore piling up left and right along the road, clothes, shoes and other stuff was lying around everywhere. Most cars were marked with a red X on the hood or the roof, whatever that meant.

Markus did not care. He was simply glad about the fact that the road was clear and that they were making good progress. The tank was half full as well, so he was speeding rather decently. The wide off-road tires were producing a singing noise as the Defender accelerated. If everything went as planned, they would reach Leipzig soon and he could leave Nadja with her friends.

She had dozed off and dreamed of an endless forest, made of gigantic black trees, which were reaching high into the sky. The treetops were so dense that hardly any light could reach the ground. She was running and heard the shrieking screams of countless pursuers. She was running as fast as possible, but the trees in front of her kept retreating away from her while her pursuers were coming rapidly closer. Fine twigs were whipping into her face and seemed to grab her and her clothes.

The faster she ran, the faster the trees avoided her. Already the first clammy fingers groped at her, she felt the cold breath of her pursuers in her neck and she already awaited the lethal bite. She was pulled out of her sleep brutally by Markus’ emergency braking. The tires were sliding over the snowy road’s slippery surface and the Defender broke out to the right.

“Damn it you idiot, can‘t you pay attention? I nearly hit my head against the windshield!” she shouted at Markus angrily.

He did not answer, instead he was just staring straight ahead at the road. Or better at what was left of it. Nadja followed his gaze.

The autobahn was supposed to go over the Elbe here. But instead there was a gaping abyss in front of them. They got out of the car with stiff bones and walked forward to the edge.

“Apparently the bridge has been blown up, maybe to contain the spreading, right? But luckily this idiot was able to brake in time,” Markus hissed aggressively but kept on staring into the abyss beyond the break. Then he raised his gaze, searching the opposite side for proof of life.

Nadja looked at him apologetic and gave in.

Don’t be a bitch. It was not his guy’s fault, she thought.

“It’s a damned extreme measure, don’t you think? Looks like a border to me. Over there, everything is alright and over here is the abandoned country, hm?”

Markus simply shrugged because he was not sure what to think about this because if it had been safer on the other side there should have been some people visible for sure.

“I have no clue, I cannot make out anything on the other side. If this were a damned border there should be some people over there or at least some indications. But there’s nothing there.”

Although there were some big military vehicles and some olive colored tents with red crosses on the other side, there were actually no humans there. Nothing was moving on the opposite bank.

Nadja started to jump up and down, waving both of her arms to attract attention, but it did not change the situation. Maybe she should have yelled or called out but she was too afraid to do so. So they gave up after awhile, returning to the Defender disappointed, where a scared looking child was waiting for them already.

“So, are we driving to the other normal people now?” She peeped uncertain from the back.

“We’re taking a different road, this one is broken and yes, afterwards we’ll be driving to the normal people,” Markus lied, smiling at her softly. “Keep on sleeping, Marie, everything will be fine. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

Pure illusion, that was what it was and nothing else. It would have been too good to be true, just to keep on driving straight ahead all the time deep in thought, like going on vacation, to finally get out of the car safely with stiff legs and hurting back at the destination to have a piss first.

“Pretty, ideal world, where are you? The monsters have crawled out of the closet, eating the bourgeois’ dream,” Nadja mumbled silently enough so that the child could not hear.

Actually, they were not fond of the idea of leaving the autobahn, looking for a new route in an area they did not even know remotely. But they had no other choice. Frustrated, Markus turned the car around and drove the few kilometers back to the next exit.

“Why don’t we have one of those damned street maps?” Markus grumbled, putting it on his list of the most important things to have handy if yet another apocalypse occurred.

Nadja nodded. “I have an entire road atlas in my car, if I had known that it would come to this, I would have taken it. You simply don’t know what you would really need. Me for example, I really would like some vodka now, damn it.”

The exit was reached quickly and at the end they took a left turn following the directions to a small village called Kieken. Markus thought the left to be better than the right, less dangerous and more open somehow.

They had reached the village only a couple of minutes later. Kieken was a typical East German village, where time had stopped apparently in the seventies and everything had a middle class order to it.

Here everyone knew everybody and a newcomer would always stay a stranger for his whole life. The facades were clean and appeared tidied up, the perfect scenery of the ideal world. Some Santas were standing in the front yards here and there or were hanging on the walls and Christmas lighting chains had been put up on some of the houses, which however were not giving off any warm light at the moment. There would certainly be the mandatory pub somewhere, where elderly men would be playing cards in smoke-filled rooms on Friday evenings. One only needed to watch an episode of Tatort, the famous German crime TV show, every Sunday, to know how such villages were wired.

This homey impression only lasted a few seconds because the catastrophe had not spared this tiny spot either. Several of the resurrected were strolling between the houses, apparently aimless. They were moving like the dead soldiers in Platkow, slowly and uncoordinated.

Nadja followed their awkward movements with disbelieving eyes because she had not seen the real dead before. “Shit man, what is going on here? Are those the ones you have been telling me about?”

Markus nodded. “That’s exactly right, Nadja, those are the living dead.”

Like wild beasts two of them were tearing at the carcass of a dog. Overturned garbage bins, which had spilled their contents widely, were everywhere on the streets. They left the village behind them fast and what followed was a little, but rather dense forest.

Just before the next village was a bigger gas station with an adjoining garage on the right side of the road. A big sign above it promised only the best first class service. Oil change for only £ 9,99.

Next to it an oversized angel dressed in a white frill dress was laughing down at them from a shabby billboard, not impressed by the events of those last days. Some funster had sprayed a square shaped mustache right under the angel‘s nose. The empty spray can was still lying underneath it in the dirt. Markus wondered what had become of this guy.

He doubted the man was laughing now.

Different kinds of car models were standing around chaotically on the terrain, some with open doors, some with smashed in windows. Newspapers and clothes were scattered everywhere in between. It was the same picture time and time again. The people had probably been trying to get some gas when the mass escape had begun. Markus steered his heavy car next to the gas pumps, pushing a small car aside with his bumper. They stayed there for awhile keeping the engine running to be on the safe side, waiting if something would happen. But it stayed calm, so they started searching the area.

Marie got lucky first and she found a little brown teddy bear, which was lying abandoned on the ground next to a dark blue Dodge with Berlin license plates at the opposite gas pump.

Markus walked toward the vehicle carefully to have a closer look inside. The child, who was probably the owner of the teddy bear, was still sitting inside, strapped into its child seat – and its mother was in the front, strapped in as well. Or rather what was left of them. Apparently, the horror had gotten a hold of them through the smashed in side window. Maybe the mother had even tried to unfasten the safety belt in order to save the child.

Markus felt nauseous as his brain automatically produced the pictures according to this horrible scenario in his head and bile was raising up from his stomach into his throat. He closed the sliding door fast to spare Marie the horrible sight, then he swayed dizzily behind the van, throwing up his breakfast into the snow underneath the mother‘s dead eyes. Apart from the bodies everything seemed safe enough. Probably safe enough to spend a night inside the gas station building because it gradually darkened and he was simply too tired to drive on.

They would not find anything more suitable short-term. Besides that a break would do them some good for sure. Nadja had examined the gas pumps meanwhile, noticing that there was still gas running out of them.

“Markus, what do you think, should we fill the tank up right away?”

Apparently some areas still had electrical power left judging by the still working gas pumps at this gas station. But even that was just a matter of time as well. Markus gave Nadja an agreeing wave with his hand because he did not feel like talking at the moment.

Nadja opened the tank cap and put the nozzle inside. It was really strange that there were no other humans around. And the thing with the resurrected dead really got to her. She was not so sure what to do with that. When she was done, Markus drove the car to the service area and parked it safely behind the solid metal doors which were locked from the inside.

The shop itself consisted of a selling area of about 30m² with a cashier‘s desk at the one end and a passage way to an office area at the other end. It smelled like cold smoke and motor oil. Facing the gas station was a glass front, which was typical for this kind of facility.

Against the walls and in between were shelves filled with sweets, beef jerky, magazines and soft drinks. If need be one could survive two, maybe even three weeks in here.

After they had also locked the shop entrance door, Markus and Nadja converted the office with the help of their blankets and sleeping bags into a reasonably comfortable camp. Another slightly smaller door lead from the office into a dirty restroom, filled with well used porno magazines.

Nadja opened the faucet and noticed excited that there was still water, even if it was ice cold. The prospect of washing herself and using a normal toilet lifted her spirits considerably. The water was really so cold that it hurt the teeth while brushing them. Afterwards the sink did not look much better than the floor and the soap dispenser was completely empty, but they felt at least partially clean again.

Especially Marie had to undergo an extensive washing, which she commented with loud protesting and some tears, but it had to be done regardless. Markus shaved the stubborn stubbles from his face with the help of a travel kit from the shelves. Nadja had to laugh when she saw him emerge from the restroom.

“Hey, look at that, there is a real face under those stubbles. But it doesn‘t look too bad for such an old man.”

He grinned, drying his face. “So, you really think so? Well, the so-called old man will put you over his knee and spank you this instant.”

Marie giggled, watching the two grown-ups. “Yes, please do it!” she begged.

He looked at the little girl and winked. “Nah, she might start crying in the end.”

Nadja only whistled curtly and went back to concentrating on the merchandise on the shelves. The service area was connected with the office through a solid steel door, the kind often used for staircases and basements.

Inside the garage was a auto-hoist, a well stocked workbench, as well as a shelf filled with tires and of course in a well exposed location the mandatory calendar showing naked silicon-shaped women with endless legs, rolling around on pimped rides or large tires in obvious positions. The calendar had been very popular judging by the oily fingerprints on the single pages.

As was to be expected from a garage, it was not really clean inside and still it felt like a small kingdom. While Markus was searching the work bench for useful stuff, Nadja meanwhile had packed some boxes with sweets, packaged goods, cigarettes and drinks from the gas station‘s shelves and placed them in the car.

They all were exhausted and had to process the impressions of the last few days. Once again the images were passing by them. The destroyed bridge, the dead wandering the streets, and finally the dead woman and her child in the backseat. It did not take them long to gather on the blankets inside the little office, happy about the fact of having found a refuge and not being alone. Markus was looking at the makeshift dinner which was spread out on one of the blankets between them.

“What do you think, should we leave a note with a list of the things we have taken? I don‘t know, but once everything is over things will get back to normal, don‘t you think?” Nadja shook her head vehemently. Paying was out of the question for her. “Nah, don‘t bother. Nobody will be coming here that soon. It will probably be some kind of quarantined zone, like in Russia, for God knows how long. You really don‘t have to worry about it.”

Their diner consisted of beef jerky, toast and a dry French red wine. Markus had even found some candles that were now spreading a pleasant warm light. Under different circumstances this even might have been some kind of painfully awkward romantic situation. Each of them was eating something small in silence, but none of them were really hungry.

After the meal Markus rummaged for a colorful children‘s magazine which he had found on the magazine shelf and started reading a short fairy tale to the little girl. It was an extremely simplified version of Snow White. Finally, it was time for bed and Markus thought it important to provide some kind of normality for Marie.

Once he reached the part where Snow White was poisoned by the evil Queen, falling into numbness only to awaken again shortly after, Markus had to think about the creatures wandering the streets, asking himself, if all of this might have happened once before already and if the poets of old reported about those events in a different way by converting them into these stories.

“And they lived happily ever after…” Markus finished his story with those words, only to find out that the little girl had fallen asleep already, hugging her teddy tightly and having one thumb in her mouth. He covered her carefully because she should have it warm during the night.

Nadja and Markus did not have much to say to each other either. What was there to talk about anyway, besides the horrors outside of this door – and they had more than enough of those already at the moment. So there was nothing left for them other than to indulge in their own thoughts, enjoying the comforting warmth of the red wine in their bellies. To be honest, what was there to discuss? The situation was more than obvious and all conversations would finally lead to the conclusion that it would be only a matter of time until it would finally catch up with them as well. Sooner or later, they would come to a one way street without escape.

Later, when the bottle was empty, they finally feel asleep, still indulging their own thoughts and cuddled together, depressed, exhausted and haggard from the events of the last few days and still filled with fear.

Their bodies demanded this break, to recover and to prolong the final breakdown just a little longer. The candles, however, did not need any sleep, spreading their warm, soft light through a little window onto the street, comparable to a lighthouse, a signal to everyone staggering around aimlessly out there, alone and without hope.