C1 Tragic brother xiaolong

In 1993, the day I was born, the fat nurse carried me to the nursery and slipped and fell forward! He's even pressing me down! If it wasn't for my tenacious vitality, I would really have been smashed to death by these 200 jin of meat balls!

Dad was uncultured, and when it came time to choose a name, he was confused. Right at this time, Li Xiaolong's "Dragon Crossing the River" was being played on TV, causing father's inspiration to immediately come up, he slapped the table and said: "I'm Li Xiaolong!" What a coincidence, my father's surname is Li.

Give me your birth certificate to the relevant department and give me a domicile. In the end, who knew which grandson had done it, and turned Li Xiaolong into Zhang Xiaolong! Thus, the biggest joke in the history of my family's account book! My biological father is called Li Guo Fu, I'm called Zhang Xiaolong, I'm f * cking am, which idiot gave me the account number? Have you ever seen a son with a different surname from his father? However, his family was from the countryside, and his parents were uncultured. Thus, this matter was left unsettled.

When I was five years old, I was wearing a pair of crotch pants and throwing stones with four kids. The result was that the glass next door to Grandpa Li's house was shattered! I swear it! The stone that hit the glass in Grandpa Li's house was definitely not thrown by me! The other four kids did it! In the end, Grandpa Li came out to ask who did it. These four grandsons pointed their hands at me at the same time. It was called a tacit understanding! The silence here was louder than the sound! [What the heck, you grandsons, you tricked me, right?] I will never play with you ever again! I viciously thought about the result that my dad lost money on glass in the end and went home to give me a smelly beating.

When I was six years old, I walked behind my mom, but I forgot that my mom was in the habit of closing the door on her own. As a result, my head got stuck in the door and I started crying.

At the age of seven, because of the Chinese Pinyin and English alphabet confused, the teacher did not let me from kindergarten to the first grade, the result I gloriously squat!

When I was eight years old, I had a bad smell during class. I took out a bottle of Jianli Bao beverage and waved it around in front of the other children, and when I opened the ring, all of the beverage was sprayed out, causing Xiao Hui's chest to become wet. I quickly helped her wipe it! At this time, the bell for class rang and the teacher came in. He was a bald middle-aged man with a rather wretched appearance, seeing that I was massaging Xiao Hui's chest, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Let go of that girl!"

Then they carried me to the office and gave me an ideological education. He said that I was precocious and desecrated my female classmates. His character was vile and he almost expelled me. Then the old man sent the grandson two big roosters, then the son finally let me stay, and also said that the death sentence could be exempted, no escape from life and death, let me continue to stay in kindergarten for a year.

At the age of nine, I finally graduated from kindergarten! Tears welled up in his eyes as he saw who said to whom: "My son is getting lucky!"

At the age of 11, his father's factory was facing failure. At the critical moment, his father made a move, but in the end, he actually saved the entire factory! To thank his father, the chairman promoted him to manager and let him study on salary, learning financial management from pinyin in Chinese. Who knew that his father, who came from the countryside to work, would encounter such a good opportunity?

In the same year, I went with a few children to steal apples from someone else's garden, only to be discovered by their dog and chased after us! We ran for our lives! I don't know what's going on. I was clearly running at the front, but that dog took a fancy to me! After a few other children, I threw myself to the ground, crazily biting! Those few grandsons were too disloyal, they all ran away without a trace! Afterwards, I went to the hospital to get a few stitches, and I was even vaccinated against mad dogs. The school was afraid that I would infect my classmates, so they even granted me six months of leave, which was longer than my f * cking summer vacation.

Meanwhile, the chairman of Pop's factory bought us a building in town for Pop to work in. So we moved. I said goodbye to those grandchildren who had cheated me for more than ten years!

At 12, when my parents weren't home, I wanted to wipe the windows and give them a surprise. In the end, he wasn't able to stand properly and fell straight down! My house is on the second floor! Just f * cking live on the second floor! But I broke a leg!

13 years old, ran to the toilet with the primary school students to learn smoking, the teaching director suddenly came to the toilet to take a look! These grandsons were all very experienced. They threw their cigarette butts into the toilet, flushed it, and then quickly took out their chewing gum to chew! I'm the only one who still foolishly laughs at the dean while holding a cigarette in my mouth

14 years old, failure to confess to a girl! Decide to buy a bottle of pesticide and commit suicide! I got the pesticide from the owner for $13, drank a toenail, then vomited all night, and the next morning I collapsed.

15 years old, looking back, found his life filled with tragedy, the second time he bought pesticides to kill himself! But this time, he had become smarter. He switched out a pesticide store and bought it back. When he opened the bottle cap, he found that he was hit by another one! Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought to myself, What the f * ck, fifteen years! Fifteen years! I finally got another drink! I didn't have time to kill myself. I took the cap and ran to the pesticide store, found the owner and changed another bottle, then went home with a silly smile on my face. Dad and mom were sitting on the sand with the unlidded bottle on the table.

16 years old, standing under the telephone pole to pee, who knows the telephone pole leakage! F * * k, I was almost electrocuted to death! I was crying right then. F * cking provoking someone, I wanted to f * cking pee myself. I nearly lost my life!

At the age of 17, he was admitted to an ordinary high school nearby and paid for himself. My report card can be described with a poem: the front of a sea of people, the back for my exclusive. Therefore, if he was able to get into a self-funded high school, he should be able to burn incense. Although his results were poor, being last place or something like that, he was still admitted into high school! Dad decided to hold a school promotion banquet!

In the same year, my mom bought me a car called 'Gloom Basket 1258' and asked me to ride it to school every day. I didn't have any objections, the school wasn't far from my home, I could get there in 15 minutes or so.

Bicycle riding, increasingly skilled in the bicycle, now I can completely release the handlebars, just like acrobatics. However, something unexpected happened! When I let go of the handlebars, I didn't notice a pebble in front of me. The front tire rolled over and I fell over, the jaw hook fell off, and my left arm fractured. Mom and Dad rushed me to the hospital.

After staying in the hospital for seven days, his arm had been plastered and the hook on his chin had been reattached.

My girlfriend, who had been with me for three months, came to visit me at the hospital. She left a message that I was a good person and left. That's right, who can endure their boyfriend's head being pinched in the door when he's an hour old, or the fact that he's squatting in kindergarten for two years, falling down from the second floor and breaking his leg, or failing to kill himself by drinking pesticide a second time, or almost getting electrocuted while peeing, or even falling off his chin when he's riding a bicycle?

On the day I was discharged, the doctor told me that the jaw hook would fall off easily after it had fallen off once, so he taught me how to fit the jaw hook on my own and warned me not to chew too fast, not to talk too fast, not to open my mouth and scream, to sing.

Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on the problem, I still suffer from accidents from time to time. Once, when I was eating lunch in the cafeteria, my chin dropped off while eating and my mouth watered, and the three old ladies opposite me called me a stinking pervert. Damn it, no matter how bad my vision is, I can't possibly watch the three of you dinosaurs salivate, right? He was truly f * cking speechless.

Soon, my name spread throughout high school.

In Qingtian City's Second High School, you can choose to not recognize the number one school beauty, but you can definitely recognize the number one joke, Zhang Xiaolong.

No matter what, this bro here is already a celebrity, the school has a 90% chance of turning back, everyone is whispering behind my back, no one in the class is willing to make friends with me, it doesn't matter, they have eyes but do not recognize Mt. Tai, they have no idea of my manly side.

It was already the middle of October, and by the time the class ended, the sky had already darkened. On the way home on his bicycle, he noticed a group of people in front of him looking at something.

A car accident?

I like to watch the show. I pushed my beloved basket 1258 forward and squeezed to the front with great difficulty. Before I could see the situation clearly, I heard an old and trembling voice shouting, "Sun, grandson, quickly save grandpa!"

I saw a slovenly old man lying on the side of the road, pointing his index finger at me.

I pointed at my nose. "Me?"

I don't know this old man at all, but I'm sure he's definitely referring to me! This bro has always been keeping my back, picking up a cheap grandpa while watching the fun. This kind of thing isn't strange at all. After suffering so much, I'm already numb to it.

"It's you!" "Big grandson!" The old man shouted in a very intimate tone!

Although this bro has always been a little unlucky, but this doesn't mean that I have a low IQ. I nodded. "Do you know my name?"

"Zhang Xiaolong." The old man quickly and succinctly replied.

"How did you know?!" I asked in surprise.

At this time, a passerby spoke up, "Brat, are you a student of No. 2 High School? "He actually pretends not to know his own grandpa, his character is too bad. I want to go to your school and chat with your principal."

The old man also said, "Big grandson, quickly come and help me. Grandfather has raised you since you were a child. You must be filial to Grandfather."

Filial piety to your grandmother!

Today is definitely the worst moment I've ever had. If I don't help the old man now, I will most likely be expelled from school. If I help him up, this old guy will most likely be a lackey.

With so many people watching, I had no choice but to go to the old man's side and help him up. The old man said in a low voice, "Hehe, I wonder how I found out your name. The proof on your chest reveals your identity. "

I lie down in a pit and almost drop him to the ground