C4 Chapter 4

Farther down in the Gudbrands Valley things were somewhat more problematic. Once, more than three hundred years ago, in 1612, there had been a great battle near the spot where Marco, Halkatla and Rune were awaiting their enemies. Back then a Scottish mercenary army of five hundred men had been passing through Norway on its way to join the Kalmar War. But at Kringen in the Gudbrands Valley the Norwegian farmers “from Våga and Lesja and Lom”, as Sinclair’s ballad goes, had joined forces. And they defeated the Scottish mercenary army so conclusively that only eighteen men survived from the force of Lieutenant-Colonel Ramsay and Captain Sinclair. And those eighteen men would later serve in the Norwegian army. So this is how the ballad concludes:

No living soul came home again

To tell his countrymen

How perilous it is to visit them

Who dwell in the Norway hills.

Up before the break of day,

They’re coming across the heath.

(Translated by Louis Mackay)

The battle that was about to take place would never be mentioned with honour in the history books – the Ice People had had to make sure of that. No one was to know what actually transpired on that May evening in 1960. As far as possible, the world was to be shielded from learning about Tengel’s attack. But how many would “come home again”?

Since the parking spot they had found was so secluded, with a broad driveway from the main road and concealed behind big groups of trees, they decided to remain there and wait for the onslaught that would presumably soon be let loose heading in their direction.

It wasn’t just those three, although they were the only ones who could be seen. There were good reasons for Rune to want Marco there and not with Tova where he really belonged. Marco had access to stronger powers than those over which the Ice People reigned.

They weren’t worried about Nataniel and Gabriel. Nataniel had tremendously strong protectors, which little Gabriel could benefit from at the same time. The most vulnerable of them all were, of course, Tova and Morahan. But that was precisely where their strength lay. They had disappeared so effectively that none of their enemies had observed them.

Marco exchanged glances with his two travelling companions. They were about to discover what they were truly made of. How strong they really were.

Shira’s water jar was well protected. The stray ones were keeping an eye on it.

Tengel the Evil shouted to his first officer.

“Is everything ready for the next attack?”

“Everything is ready.”

“Crush their mechanical carriage so that they can’t move faster than the wind! That carriage is dangerous, it’s bewitched; they’ve used some sort of secret black magic to conjure it!”

Yes, well, Tengel the Evil may have been practically all-powerful. But when it came to modern technology he was sadly out of touch. He loathed modern discoveries because he didn’t understand them. Trolls, he called them, because he didn’t know any other words for them.

There are certain drawbacks to burying yourself underground and remaining there a few centuries too long. But that wasn’t his fault, of course. It was Targenor’s doing.

Tengel didn’t at all care for these modern times. Each and every little worthless human being had better clothes and appeared much wealthier than he had ever been. But they were ugly clothes. No impressive ermine robes or shimmering formal dresses. Just grey and colourless, and how simple the material seemed!

“We have possession of their dangerous carriage now,” said Number One. He belonged to a more modern era, when everybody knew what a car was, but he didn’t want to risk getting into any disputes with Tengel the Evil, not for the world, so he just went along with him.

“The ugly girl ... Tova,” he heard Tengel the Evil’s voice say in his mind. “I can’t see her by the carriage. Where is she?”

“We’ll be sure to find her. The sick outsider has also gone, so she’s probably gone with him to the hospital. We’ll take care of her afterwards, she’s nothing.”

Tengel the Evil’s voice grew shrill. “Have you found out who the unknown one is?”

“Only partially, Master. He is as handsome as a god, and I know that his name is Marco. But that doesn’t tell us much. He is mysterious, Master, much too mysterious!”

“And yet he is of my flesh and blood,” wheezed Tengel the Evil, pondering. “I don’t understand it. I simply don’t understand it! How could he possibly have fooled me like that? He is living now – a young person, you say – and yet he was the one who outwitted me at Fergeoset a century ago. Of course, he could never have got away with that had I been on my guard, but I was taking a short nap just at that point, and he took full advantage of it. Who is he? Who is he?”

Number One sensed the evil Tengel waving his hands searchingly and in fury over the fact that he couldn’t comprehend, couldn’t find that person.

“But he’s in a tight spot now, Master, we’ve got him now!”

“Yes, for the first time he has made an appearance with his visor up! Make way for me! I’m on my way up north and can’t be disturbed by such annoyances! Who is with him? They are so unclear to me, they are masking themselves in fog.”

“Two that are non-living. I don’t understand their kind.”

“Oh, that’s nothing. They are merely the spirits of the Ice People. They can’t harm me. Do you know their names?”

“One of them is named Halkatla ...”

Number One received Tengel the Evil’s uninhibited shout of fury as a blast in his ear.

“Halkatla!” Tengel spat out. “Is she here? But she’s my resource!” Then his tone changed and he seemed amused. “Well, of course, she’s working for me. Spying for me.”

“I don’t think so ...” stammered Number One.

“Oh yes, well, forget her, she’ll obey me no matter what. She’s been waiting so long to serve me that she must have just lost patience.”

Number One neglected to point out that Taran-gai’s four spirits had already deserted him. The explosion of anger that Tengel the Evil had let out when Shama was brought to his knees by them wasn’t something he wished to bring upon himself again.

“And then there’s a strange man who is really confusing me,” Number One said quickly.

“There are many strange men in my family.”

Tengel the Evil laughed gleefully at the thought of all the unhappy beings he had created among his descendants.

“But this one seems to be made of wood. And he’s helped the five creatures considerably. He must be dangerous.”

Tengel the Evil brooded over the matter of the wood, but let it go for the time being. “Strike now! You have a lot of men from my troops to help you: we can’t possibly fail now!”

“I’m looking forward to it,” said Number One, smiling coldly.

Tengel the Evil disrupted the telepathic communication. In his disguise as Per Olav Winger, the vacuum cleaner salesman, he began his journey north. Even though he was now hiding himself in the guise of a human being he didn’t want to travel as one. His mental power was just as strong as before, if not stronger. It saw and heard everything, but since the Valley of the Ice People was now in danger his mental powers had to be first and foremost concentrated there. In which case it was good to have someone like Number One at his side.

But even Tengel the Evil shuddered at the thought of his right-hand helper. Not because of his evil nature, which only pleased the great Tan-ghil. No, there was something else in the man’s character that made a chill run down the spine of whoever saw him.

The three were waiting by the car.

They didn’t say much to one another. But Rune was especially good at listening and registering things.

“Halkatla, you can retreat now a little, if you want,” he said quietly.

“Stop talking nonsense,” said the attractive medieval witch. “I’ve only just begun to live now.”

“And your life may have an abrupt ending.”

“Oh no! I can tackle anything! Anything at all!”

“And what do you intend to do with your new life?” asked Marco, amused.

“Well, first I’m going to smash Tengel the Evil’s men to pieces. And then I can start seducing you ...”

If Halkatla was expecting a flirtatious response she had chosen the worst possible players. Both of them turned away in utter embarrassment.

“No, that’s right,” she said, crestfallen. “I’ll have to find some more willing partners, since neither of you is interested ...”

“Hush!” said Rune insensitively. “Someone’s coming!”

They froze in anticipation, preparing to defend themselves with all the tools available to them. Heavy, pounding footsteps could be heard coming up the little path leading from the rest area.

“But what in the world is this?” asked Halkatla, in utter dismay.

They stared in bafflement at the huge monster who came slowly waddling towards them on stiff legs, like a zombie.

Vetle Volden could have told them who it was.

They walked over to the frightening figure. As they came closer, they saw that his entire body seemed to be covered in thick skin, like a shell ...

And then they knew exactly who he was.

“The shell man,” Marco murmured. “Erling Skogsrud. Ellen’s grandfather. Thank you, almighty forces, for not letting her witness this.”

The horrifying creature, who wasn’t wearing any clothes and who certainly didn’t need to, moved forward like a machine, slowly and with determination. But they knew from Vetle’s description that he was able to move very fast if he wanted to.

He didn’t seem to be so interested in them. He was aiming for the car. His right arm was hanging down, swinging back and forth like a gigantic hammer ready to attack. He was so enormous that the car looked tiny in comparison.

“I’ll handle him,” said Rune, as he went over and blocked the shell man’s path.

But the shell man didn’t even notice Rune. However, Rune had armed himself with a big monkey wrench, which he hurled with all his might against the arm of the abominable creature.

The shell man let out a loud roar, not from pain but from irritation, and began marching on towards Rune, his eye still on the car behind him.

“And little fourteen-year-old Vetle managed to escape this creature,” Marco thought, dazed.

Rune tried to stop the man with a few magical words and gestures, but to no avail. The shell man just went straight for what he was aiming for, mowing down Rune as he went and trampling right over him. Marco ran over to rescue his friend.

“I’m in no danger,” Rune groaned as he got to his feet with great effort. “Stop him, Marco!”

Marco immediately called out, “Dida, Mar, Ulvhedin and Heike! The most eminent conjurers of the Ice People, come to our aid!”

Immediately they heard the thundering voices of their ancestors and all four of them appeared with their arms raised towards the shell man.

But he just continued tramping along.

While the other conjurers continued, Dida said: “It’s no use, Marco. He’s not a ghost, you know. He is alive, and just like you his ageing process has stopped. Our ancestor has most likely made him immortal. And the man doesn’t have enough brains to be receptive to our magic spells.”

He had almost reached the car. Marco tried to block his way but had to step aside in order not to be trampled down.

“He wants to crush the car,” said Heike. “And we can’t prevent him from doing that. We’re sorry that we couldn’t be of more help to you here.”

“We’ve removed all the valuables from the car,” said Marco. “And it is only a thing. But we need it.”

“We can’t do anything about this living creature who has no intelligence,” said Dida. “Try one of your helpers.”

That’s when Halkatla stepped forward. “Let me try,” she said with a gentle, devilish smile on her lips. “If he doesn’t have a brain, well, then he must have something else – something that has fascinated me for quite some time now ... Look away, boys, you won’t be able to bear the sight of this!”

The four conjurers retreated with crooked smiles. They gave Halkatla their blessing to take over. Then they were gone.

The man who had once been Erling Skogsrud was confused. His utterly simple brain was unable to cope with this new development.

Within him there was nothing but the words, “Crush the magic carriage! And then take care of the three humans – if you can. And if you can’t, retreat and let the other men deal with them. But the carriage is your mission!”

He had been fetched from his ignominious hibernation in a Spanish cave. He couldn’t recall how he had reached Norway, for he hadn’t yet quite managed to awaken properly from his state of hibernation, and his memory was shorter than that of a chicken. He had felt as if he was being transported through the air on the backs of twenty devils. But that must just have been a dream he had had.

He liked his mission. Having the chance to crush something. Break something. That was fun!

There must have been a time when Erling Skogsrud had a brain. But it had been shrunk down to its minimum size because Tengel the Evil didn’t wish him to have his own independent thoughts. And the person whom Erling Skogsrud had once been was someone he had forgotten long ago.

He was close to his goal now. He had trampled one person down on his way and waved some others away.

He lifted his sluggish arms in order to deliver a single, destructive blow to the strange-looking carriage that glistened in the dark.

Then suddenly his entire, limited world broke into a million pieces and he stopped abruptly as the jaw in his stone-like face dropped.

Someone was standing before him with glittering and inviting eyes. The shell man knew it was a woman, but he had forgotten what they could be used for.

Now he looked at her in bewilderment as she let her simple tunic fall to the ground.

The rusty wheels in his brain began to turn, ever so slowly. Crush the carriage, crush the carriage! That was what he was supposed to do!

All at once he jerked. The woman had touched him!

His skin was as thick as armour, but not everything was equally armoured. He heard her mutter: “It’s not exactly big compared to the rest of him, but I wonder if it still functions ...?”

The shell man tried to pull away his private parts, but the little woman had managed to sneak up on him and her hands were so soft ...

He let out a groan of surprise from his slack mouth. The two other human creatures had turned away. They were still close by but he didn’t have time to deal with them. “Crush the carriage,” said the sole voice of his memory but he couldn’t remember what the words meant. For he sensed something pleasant flowing through his body and the shell man didn’t know any pleasant sensations other than the ones he got when he was either destroying things or killing others.

Oh, how it tingled inside him! The woman was playing with his practically forgotten organ and he sensed it changing, growing bigger and bigger.

“There, that’s much better,” said the woman. “Oh my, I think I’m beginning to get some desires myself. But not for you, you lout. There, that feels wonderful, doesn’t it?”

The shell man began to grunt clumsily and he grabbed for Halkatla. But she slipped agilely to the side without letting go of him with her hands. Now he was in ecstasy. This was something he hadn’t tried before (he thought) and something that wonderful couldn’t possibly exist!

His knees gave way and he fell on his back, making the ground under him rumble. The splendid girl had to loosen her grip and he fumbled for her, longing wildly for her to continue.

“Hurry! Hurry, get everything into the car!” Halkatla frantically shouted to the others as she slipped back into her tunic.

“But ...!”

“Hurry!”

She bent over the shell man and placed his own hand around his organ. “You’ll learn this soon enough,” she cooed. “It’s just like riding a bike. Once you’ve learned you’ll never forget how to do it. That’s right ... good boy. Just continue like that and you’ll get a wonderful surprise. It’ll happen soon, I bet.”

The others had put all their belongings into the car. “Come on, Halkatla,” Marco shouted. She hopped in, the car started abruptly and they disappeared from the parking place.

There was nothing the shell man could do. He was in the middle of his ejaculation and roaring in painful ecstasy.

Number One arrived at the spot shortly afterwards with the troop that was to deal with the poor souls who were now supposed to be carless.

And there sat the shell man on the ground before them with a sheepish smile, playing with his organ so that he could experience that state of ecstasy once more. He didn’t respond when they spoke to him, he was much too absorbed with his new toy. When they tried to get him on his feet, he took a swipe at a few of the criminal recruits, splitting the skull of one and the spleen of the other. They both died. The shell man got an erection again and was fully preoccupied with it.

It was with great disgust and distaste that Number One contacted his master.

“The shell man has been ruined, Master. He is no longer of any use to us.”

“Did he carry out his mission?” Tengel the Evil snarled in his mind.

“No, they’ve left the place.”

Number One waited until Tengel the Evil had finished letting out all his rage.

“Well, I won’t be needing the shell man anymore,” concluded the terrible Tengel. “I extended his life because of his unstoppable power. But he’s worthless now. Step aside, the rest of you!”

Number One ordered his men to do so. And the shell man, who was now busy with his second round of ecstasy, moaned and groaned from sheer pleasure. He felt as though he was completely dissolving in utter bliss, which was precisely what was happening. The baffled men saw him fade into something like fog. The last they saw of him was his blissful smile as all of him ruptured.

Then he disappeared from the face of the earth. Erling Skogsrud had finally been allowed to end his extended life.

“That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” said one of the men slowly.

“I wouldn’t mind ending my days like that,” muttered another.

Then they all began to laugh, all except for Number One, who, in a fury, ordered them to pull themselves together.

“Our enemies have left the location,” he hissed and they all trembled with fear. “After them!”

“But where are they?” asked one of the men pathetically.

Number One concentrated. “They are on their way north. They haven’t gotten very far. And you had best pursue them! For our master won’t tolerate any desertions! You’ve now seen what happens to those who refuse to obey him!”

And they had.

“But we can’t catch up with a car.”

“We’ll send others who can stop it. All you have to do is chase them and accomplish your mission.”

“We shouldn’t have left the rest area,” said Marco, “We would better have been able to deal with them there.”

“I think we did the right thing,” Rune answered. “Had we stayed, the shell man would eventually have crushed the car. And as long as we have it we still have a head start.”

“You might be right. That was very well done, Halkatla, even though it was somewhat ... unconventional.”

She writhed in the back seat. “But the worst of it is that I got so turned on. Can’t one of you help me?”

“No,” answered Marco curtly. “It’ll pass.”

“Damn wooden men,” she muttered to herself, as she rubbed her thighs against one another, rocked back and forth on the seat and moaned faintly. But she didn’t dare ask those two again, she had too much respect for them and didn’t want to make a fool of herself.

She carefully slipped her hands between her thighs but it had too strong an effect, she didn’t dare continue. She clenched her teeth and huddled in the corner.

“Tell me about the ice-cold tundra, Rune! Tell me about the ice mountain outside Taran-gai!”

Then they smiled knowingly at one another and Rune opened his mouth to begin talking about those cool, refreshing things, but immediately closed it again.

“Oh no!” he said with foreboding. “Look over there! We’re in trouble again!”